Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
