alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
