So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
