you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
