After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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