I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
