I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
