She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize