ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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