just tell him i said nine months
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
