I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
4 words: hood of his car
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
