mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize