yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
