It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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