she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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