how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
