she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
