The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
