i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
