I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
