I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
