Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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