I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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