so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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