i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
