I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
