he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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