nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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