Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I want is dick and wine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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