You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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