hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
