you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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