I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
