my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
