he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
In America we eat man semen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
