im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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