It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
