I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
