Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
