So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
