Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
