Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bring me that man meat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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