puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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