I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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