After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
