saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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