I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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