So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
