I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
