are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
