I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
