well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
