i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
