Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
