I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
