I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
