She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
