Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
