that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
