The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you win again, gameday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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