btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
