goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
