Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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