Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
