you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
