u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
