nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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