you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
