Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry about my life...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize