Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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