Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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