Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
