If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
