i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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