My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize