That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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