I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i dont even know how to be here
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
