I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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