She said her name was "party"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
