she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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