In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
