Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize