you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
