clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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