the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
