i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
